WHAT HAPPENED????

NO MORE TIPS? NO MORE COMMENTS??? WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!

First of many, I hope.

Tip # 14

WE LOVE THE MUTE BUTTON!!!!

I cannot even to begin to tell all you motherfuckers out there how much we LOVE the mute button. While you are on the other line running your mouth we have already put you on mute and are cussing you out, talking with our neighbor, or eating our lunch....but mostly we are calling you the biggest piece of shit we have spoke with so far today!!! Look I know how to do my job fucker...If you could do my job you would but the fact of the matter is you couldn't even get out of training before you would quit because you want a braindead mechanic job or something...Newsflash moron I know how the process works not you, and with an attitude like yours I surly am not going to bend over to kiss your ass!!! I enjoy these roadblocks put enforce by my Company just so I can tell your pompous ass "NO!" It really is my favorite word! because you expect me to say "Yes sir whatever you want...Would you like me to refresh my lipstick before I kiss your ass or would you just like to drop your pants for me now?" Fuck off!!! If you could hear me on mute TRUST me I would be fired for telling you off...You wonder why I sound all calm while you are getting more frustrated and I take control of the call and push you into a box of no escape except to do what I say...because I have vented and told you to fuck off too and you couldn't here a word I said!

Enjoy your day FUCKER!!!!

Tip #13

thank you to iwanthighdefdsl for the following insight

JUST DON'T GIVE ME THAT EXCUSE,After 15 minutes of me explaining over and over the same damn prices and services, please don't tell me "I need to talk to my wife about it", just be honest with me and say, "no, is too expensive" or "I'm going to call the competition", even a "fuck you guys" would be preferable. When you say "I need to talk to my wife/husband" you are just saying you don't have any character or balls to take a small decision on your own. Is not a life or death decition, $5 or $50 dollars a month won't change your lifestyle, and if that is the case, maybe you don't need my product or services. And if you DO need to talk to your partner for every small thing, maybe you need to reconsider your relationship.So go and ask your wife for permission, and while you are at it, ask her if she will take your balls out of her purse, and if you ask nicely, maybe she'll let you use them once in a while.
12:12 AM

Tip #12

DON'T THINK MY SUPERVISOR IS GOING TO BE ON YOUR SIDE

So, if you are one of those people who calls in repeatedly because you could't get service, didn't have money to pay your bill, etc, etc don't think my supervisor is going to have your back. You may think that you are talking to someone with some sort of power, but let me assure you, they know your whole story (including my own spin) before they even talk to you. In fact, more often than not, they know what they are going to tell you because I have told them what they are going to tell you before you even get transferred. Don't think they are going to credit your account, move up your install date, get you service quicker, make the hold time for tech support go away, etc, etc, etc. What are you nuts? They have my back, not yours.

Tip #11

ENOUGH OF THE "YOU PEOPLE"'S

Ok, ok already. We get that you are mad at the company we work for. We get that you think I am the one to blame. We get that you can't take responsibility for missing your technician, not giving us the correct phone number, not giving us your correct billing address, etc, etc, etc. But get this we aren't "YOU PEOPLE". We have names. We work for a company. And yes, you get to discuss your "issues" with us. But enough with the blaming "YOU PEOPLE".

Who are they anyway?

Tip #10

Don't joke with me...Your not funny!!!

We REALLY don't give a shit about your stupid one liners or your BAD digs on my company! They suck, you suck, and I cannot tell you enough how much we DON'T CARE!!! You are holding up my frickin' day! I am cussing you out on mute. I have 20 calls holding that I am now dreading to answer because I am hoping to not get another wiseass like you. Ever notice how fake your co-workers laugh at your jokes? and then you try them out on us because we are your captive audince being forced to laugh just to make the sale. But we are the ones laughing in the end now that we have your money and don't have to listen to your shit anymore...meanwhile your co-workers are now going to have to listen to that stupid new joke you tried out on me just last night!!! FUCK OFF JOKEMASTER!!!

Tip # 9

YES, YOU NEED TO VERIFY YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!

Why??? Because last time I checked you were calling me for service!!! Not the other way around...and so I know you aren't going to jilt the company out of there money (therefore stealing from me) I AM going to check your credit and/or match you social because I don't trust your non-bill paying ass! You want my service! We are not fuckin utilities...We don't need to extend a line of credit to you...Yes getting my phone, satellite, cable, computer, ect...is like me giving you a line of credit! We provide you with a service you have convinced yourself that you NEED TO SURVIVE we are going to get your social! So stop acting shocked when we ask you for it!

Tip # 8

If you are a CURRENT CUSTOMER...
You DO NOT qualify for new customer promos. We know they are better then to Current customer Promo's. That's because we are trying to get NEW buisness...we already have you locked into some kind of contract and therefore don't have to kiss your ass anymore. Stop calling in and asking for the new promo like we don't know you already have service! You got a phat promo when you signed on and that is that. We work for "for profit" companies!!! Which means we expect you to just shut up and pay the full price you knew was comming when you signed up for the promo in the first place. if you are nice we don't care if you are an ass we care even less ande laugh fuckin louder at you because you get soooo fuckin mad when we can finally tell you fuckers our favorite word "NO!"

Tip #7

DO NOT CALL WITH FOOD IN YOUR MOUTH

Seriously, this is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves. It is so annoying to hear you talking through a mouthful of sandwich on your lunch break or your breakfast bagel. And usually, when you first get in the phone with me, you say something like "Oh SO SORRY, didn't realize you were going to answer so quickly"...... And then as the conversation continues, you still shove your mouthful of food. Yet I am not to call you out on how rude you are, because I'd lose my job for putting you in your place. Don't you tell your kids not to talk with food in their mouths? Why wouldn't you take your own advice. Or at least stop eating once you are on the phone with me. So PLEASE STOP SHOVING YOUR FACE FULL OF FOOD WHILE I AM TRYING TO ASSIST YOUR STUPID ASS WITH SOMETHING.

For the record

Those of us contributing to this do really like our jobs. Otherwise we wouldn't deal with this stuff everyday. This isn't a statement about our jobs. It is a statement about the perceptions of those who call us. We aren't punching bags, as stated below. We are human beings. We are intelligent. We have "feelings". We aren't morons like the below mentioned subjects think we are. We are here to represent our companies. We try to do what we can to keep people happy and to give them a good experience. It's that whole one rotten banana ruins the bunch theory..... We get certain customers that think they can treat us like trash. We are just venting our frustrations, and stating how our consumers can make this world a better place. Being a "professional" in this business means that when I contact other "professionals" over the phone, I try to treat them with respect. All we want, is for our customers to do the same. :)

Tip #6

ok, for you really delayed customers.... when you miss your appt. time for the fourth time...we shouldn't be giving you ontime sh**T. And then you have the nerve to get pissed at us because you have to wait a week. and i quote from one of our wonderful fathers/customer "I can't wait a week. I have kids. I don't want to be alone w/them for that long." Well sir You have 2 options...stop breeding if you don't like kids or we have next Tues 8-12p. What's it gonna be? Maybe a Promisekeepers convention might help you:)

Tip #5

WHEN YOU CALL A 1-800 NUMBER YOU AREN'T CALLING A CHAT LINE

So we may pretend that we give a crap about whatever you are rambling about. But that doesn't mean we want to date you. We don't want, nor need, to be propositioned. We are just doing our job. And it doesn't involve going out to dinner, coming over and watching a movie with you, or meeting you for drinks somewhere. So please don't try to act like you are some hottie lookin' for a date, because honestly, we aren't interested. We aren't here for your perverted pleasures. I might giggle at your stupid jokes and I might even repeat my name if you ask me again, but you aren't going to get my number, address, email, stats, etc. etc. etc. Wouldn't that be hot if we were being recorded as you are jerking off as I tell you the past due balance on your account?

Tip #4

DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE I AM IN SPECIAL ED.

Unless you have some speech impediment, I ca-a-a-n hear you. Oh, and I can type, you moron. That's what I do for a living. I don't need you to spell out Smith or Jane. I don't need you to spell which state you live in. I may not be paying attention completely at all times, so I may as you to repeat yourself. But, although you may not believe it, I do have an education, know how to use a "modern day" computer, a phone more complicated than your cell phone will ever be, and most of us don't do the hunt and peck typing method, although I do work with a few who do! :), we get paid more by learning how to get you off the phone more quickly. So for your sanity and my own, please don't call in and say stupid things like "I live at 1*pause*4*pause*5*pause* **insert me rolling my eyes and about ready to punch you out here** Adams Street. That's A, like apple, D like uh uh uh Dog, A, like apple, M like uh..... Margo, S like Smart, Stre-ee-ee-ee-t." Because while you are busy trying to figure out how to spell out which street you live on, I've already put you in the "complete moron" pile, just waiting for your next stupid move, so that I can compete with you in your little "spelling bee".